You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up!

 

Over a year ago  it became necessary to add unlimited texting to our cellular plan.

That or be plagued with gazillion dollar cell phone bills each month.

Thankyouverymuchchildren.

I chose unlimited.

My husband swore he would never use it.

Swore.

Never.

Why would he type out what he wanted to say instead of just picking up the phone and saying it?

After realizing what a time saver and convenience it was, he became an avid texter.

And we couldn’t be more proud.

Or confused.

Case in point…this was our text conversation a few nights ago:

Me: Need u to pick up Claire from dnce. Txt me when u leave wrk.

Husband: K

*30 mins later*

Me: Where r u?

Husband: ch

Me: Huh?

What the?

ch?

church? chewing? choking?

I have no idea.

The Husband walked in the back door and I look at him still perplexed as to what “ch” meant.

I had to know.

So I asked.

He laughed.

“Oh Wendi…don’t  you know anything?”

“Coming Home!”

But of course.

Why didn’t I think of that?

And yes…just like that he invented his own text language.

I am checking into taking him off our plan.

Clearly he is not ready.

Do You See What I See?

I found this fun little wooden embellishment to go on my freshly painted cabinets.

I primed it and left it to dry.

While I was at school, Mr. Because Wendi Said So decided to finish some painting and surprise me by hanging  my little embellishment.

Sweet…no?

Not only did he hang it, he glued it with wood glue.

I believe his exact words were, “That sucker isn’t going any where!”

So how do I tell him he hung it upside down?

And that every time I  look at it all I see is female body parts.

A uterus and fallopian tubes to be exact.

Which clearly was not the look I was going for.

See what I mean….

I Know I'll Never LOVE This Way Again!!!

Call me lazy! My kids woke up this morning. I heard them. I pretended to still sleep. (Five more minutes I tell myself) I heard Chad tell the kiddos, “SHHH, Don’t wake up Mommy…she is sleeping…she is very tired!”

Wake me. I must be dreaming. Is it National Queen for the Day and no one told me?
(* Note to self: check Hallmark for cards on the subject!) Okay, I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I was not dumb enough to pass up the chance to sleep.

I rolled over and slept.

I slept past getting the children ready for school.

I slept past breakfast.

I slept past taking the kids to school.

I slept past 8:20!

When I finally got my lazy butt up, I walked into the kitchen. It was all clean and sparkly. Wait a minute…am I sleep walking?

The dishwasher was unloaded.

The dishes in the sink were washed and put away.

The countertops were wiped and free from any evidence of breakfast.

Did “Magic Maid” show up while I slumbered?

I walked over to the dryer to “de-wrinkle” the clothes left spinning overnight.

I opened the door.
I peered in.
I closed the door.

I opened the door.
I peered in.
I closed the door.

There are NO clothes in the dryer! I have often prayed my laundry would disappear, but this was strange indeed. I look around the house for signs of my missing laundry. Where could it be?

I finally resolve to look in the last possible place it could be….in the closets and drawers.

Could it be? Yes…there they were… all folded up and in the right drawers. And here in the closet… hanging with the “like colors” (just the way I like it!)

There really are “Laundry Fairies”! I believe! I believe!

Next order of business…making the beds. Yes, beds. (Plural) I know my sweet children are old enough to make their own beds. Sometimes they do and sometimes (like today), they don’t. As, I have said before: I pick my battles. This isn’t one of them.

First stop, my room. My bed is made. Didn’t I just get up?

Chase’s room is next. His bed is made.

I go to Claire and Cole’s rooms. Both beds – already made!

I pinch myself. I really must be dreaming or sleepwalking.

I head back to the kitchen. I hear the washing machine in the distance. I hear the rinse cycle begin.

STOP!!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

And there standing in the kitchen, was the man I married. A dish towel was draped across his shoulder. My little Cole was by his side. He looked different. He looked as handsome as I had ever seen him. I think I have never been more physically attracted to him in my life…not ever!!!

“What is this all about?” “What are you doing?” “My birthday is not until April!”

“I was just trying to help out”, he said.
“Help out?” “Do you know what you have done in an hour?” I replied.
“More than I usually accomplish in a day”, I continue.

You really don’t understand the magnitude of what has transpired. I have a great husband. He is a wonderful father. He has lots of terrific qualities. Making beds and washing clothes are NOT one of them. Don’t get me wrong… he will do those things, but only after nagging, and leaving lists and nagging some more.

So it is with this heartfelt gratitude I compose the following love note:

My Dearest Husband,

Thank you for the extra sleep I received this morning. (Maybe that is the reason I can see more clearly now.) I can see how hard you worked to help around the house. I am impressed at the amount of things you accomplished in such a short time. I am also blown away by the attention to detail you took when you made the beds. (You know I noticed!) Not a wrinkle did I have to smooth out! The clothes were put away in their proper place. (I didn’t even have to go behind you to re-fold) As I watched you remove the covers from the sofa and vacuum under the cushions… I knew I was in love all over again! When you took the initiative to make and grill lunch, (without any coaxing from me) I was smitten. I secretly watched you from the window as you grilled. The way you held the “spatula-flipper-thingy” in your hand as you turned the burgers….oh chills ran up my spine. (Your arms looked much toner than I remembered!) My heart skipped a beat when you asked if you could take Cole fishing for a few hours. And when you left, I remember feeling a deep sense of loss…of wanting you to return… (To do more housework, of course!)
Today, I count myself lucky to have a “Domestic Diva” for a spouse. You are my Knight in Shining Armor. You have saved me from dirty clothes and dishes! Thanks from the bottom of my heart. I love you!

Eternally yours,
Wendi