Decision Time

 

So…I have been thinking.

I know.

That could be dangerous.

But I have been.

Sometimes it has been while waiting in the carpool lane.

(The carpool lanes I should say. At three different schools. But that is another post. For another time. Be jealous.)

Other times I have awakened in the middle of the night.

Thinking.

And in the midst of all this cerebral activity I have come up with a solution to one of my many problems.

No… not split ends.

Or teeth whitening.

You see, I suffer from indecisiveness.

Simply put: I can’t make a decision.

Without worrying.

And fretting.

And chewing the inside of my cheek.

So in all my thinking…

I have come to the conclusion….

that what I really need is to hire a decision maker.

I am not looking for someone to decide the big stuff.

I can do that.

Want more babies?

No.

Want to make more money?

Yes.

I am looking for someone to make small daily decisions on my behalf.

Like what should I eat for breakfast?

Or should I eat at all?

What should I wear?

Should I work today or try to catch up on my homework?

What color should I paint the bathroom?

Should I cook or call for take-out?

Pepsi or Coke?

Paper or Plastic?

You see where I am going with this.

So, send me your resumes.

Only serious decision makers need apply.

No flip floppers wanted.

That is all.

Because One Open Letter Just Wasn’t Enough

Dear Husband,

     Thank you from the bottom of my little heart for spending every single night scraping, priming, puttying, and painting my kitchen.  I promise not to complain when I see brush strokes or tiny imperfections. I know you are doing this because you are a tightwad love me.  I understand why you want me to take the kids and “move out” Saturday when you install my new floor.  I promise to stay away and not peek.  Just promise me you will use a level and that no duct tape will be involved in this project.

xoxox,

Your wifey who expects a brand new kitchen from a $30 can of paint

 

Dear Furniture Seller Guy,

     Remember how you sold me a sofa 5 weeks ago?  Remember how you said it was in stock and it could be in my family room in 2 days?  Remember how you told me I would save money buying it from your store because all your furniture was manufactured locally?  Remember that sign that hung in your window that said”Ask me how to have furniture delivered in 2 days?”  I am asking.  How?  Because the last time I checked, I don’t have a new sofa.  Or chair.  And you are 4 1/2 weeks past your promised delivery date. When I called you yesterday to inquire about my furniture, you had no answers, just excuses. I really find it hard to believe that in 2010 you can’t look on a computer and see where my furniture is.  Texas? Missouri? Mexico? The North Pole?  I just need you to find it and if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, deliver it!  I would love it if that could happen in oh, say…..2 DAYS!!!

Best,

The slightly pissed off girl who is sitting on the floor

 

Dear Chase,

     Please always remember this day as the “Day My Mom Kept Her Cool”.  I want you to think about my tone and posture as I opened up my cell phone bill and discovered that the amount due was akin to my mortgage payment. Think of the calm way in which I asked if you had any idea of the number of texts you sent and received this month. Remember how I gave you a hug and told you I wouldn’t blame you or take your phone. I want you to remember this day my dear son, because if it ever happens again, I might not be so cool.

Love,

Mommy

PS Welcome to the world of unlimited texting.  You. are. welcome.

 

Dear Winter,

     I am over you.  Please go find another state to bother.  I have always enjoyed your brief visits and slightly cooler temperatures. You have overstayed your welcome and quite frankly… I am freezing. On your way out, please take the snow with you.

Sincerely,

The girl with five layers of clothes on and frostbite

 

 Dear Spring,

     Oh how I have missed you. I will welcome you with open arms. Arms that are not confined by heavy coats and bulky sweaters. Please come soon.

Love,

Your biggest fan

Do You See What I See?

I found this fun little wooden embellishment to go on my freshly painted cabinets.

I primed it and left it to dry.

While I was at school, Mr. Because Wendi Said So decided to finish some painting and surprise me by hanging  my little embellishment.

Sweet…no?

Not only did he hang it, he glued it with wood glue.

I believe his exact words were, “That sucker isn’t going any where!”

So how do I tell him he hung it upside down?

And that every time I  look at it all I see is female body parts.

A uterus and fallopian tubes to be exact.

Which clearly was not the look I was going for.

See what I mean….

Clean Hands. Cute Bottles.

 

I found the cutest little project.

I would love to claim it as my own.

I have always been told that creativity is not revealing ones source.

I have also been taught that honesty is the best policy.

Therefore, I will reveal that I found the project here.

Chris is one creative girl!

Since last week was Valentine’s Day, I couldn’t resist making a few.

I also couldn’t resist sharing the fun with you.

Teacher Appreciation week is just around the corner.

And St. Patrick’s Day.

And Easter.

Sorry I got a little ahead of myself.

Shall we get started?

Go out and buy bottles of hand sanitizer.

With the pumps.

Any brand will do.

Carefully peel off all the labels so you have a clean surface.

I used a product called goo-gone to remove any sticky residue left by the labels.

Buy lots of pretty ribbon.

When you think you have enough…buy a few more rolls.

Just to be sure.

 

Find some fun stickers to go with your theme.

I chose letters, because I am a monogram kind of girl.

 

Place your monogram on the middle of your bottle.

Tie on lots of pretty ribbon.

 

Give one to all the teachers in your life.

And your germaphobe friends.

Just don’t forget to keep one for yourself!

The one where I don’t leave you hanging…

 

What is it about me writing posts that leaves my readers hanging?

I. am. sorry.

Truly.

Please let me explain.

My parents invited me to visit.

Me.

Only ME!

And I started envisioning adult conversation.

And eating out.

And shopping.

So when the hubs agreed to watch the kidlets for 24 hours…I grabbed my bags and braved the elements.

Ice and snow did not deter me.

I had the most wonderful 24 48 hours ever!

I ate.

And laughed.

And cried.

And ate.

And shopped.

Did I mention we ate?

And I didn’t cook once.

I felt twelve all over again.

Minus the over-processed perm.

And mall bangs.

My parents spoiled me rotten.

I do love some good spoilin’…I find it a wonderful quality in a person.

The time came for me to return home.

I tried to imagine my husband, completely exhausted.

Begging me to never leave again.

Repeating over and over, “How do you do it?”

What I didn’t expect?

My kitchen to be painted.

And five things off the honey-do list to be done.

Which left me saying, “How did he do it?”

Not Me! Monday

 

Welcome to Not Me! Monday.

The place where I confess all my imperfections and shortcomings.

Or not.

It’s MckMama’s fault.

I will blame her.

Let the confessional begin…

I have not been home for three days.

Against my will.

And it would have nothing to do with snow and ice.

Schools were not cancelled today.

And they certainly are not delayed two hours tomorrow.

That would be ridiculous.

I do not have cabin fever.

So tonight… I did not jump in my suburban (sans children) and head westward.

I did not leave my children in the sometimes not so sure totally capable hands of my husband.

He will not have to get three children ready for school tomorrow.

He will not have to prepare lunches.

Or snacks.

He will not have to deliver children to different schools.

On time.

He will not have to pick up children from school.

Or basketball practice.

He will not have to run carpool.

He will not have to help with homework.

Or take Claire to dance.

Nope, not him.

And I will not be shopping.

Or napping.

Or eating out.

Not me.

And I certainly will not be hoping that he is just a little exhausted when I return.

Labels, Labels, Everywhere!

 

Thanks for your permission to take a little nap yesterday.

And by little I mean 15 minutes.

Power naps are the new black.

Those were 15 glorious minutes though.

Anyhoo.

I decided that today I would share a little of my OCD.

My neurosis if you will.

The one that causes me to alphabetize, well…everything.

And label everything else.

Mr.. Because Wendi Said So bought me a label maker for Christmas.

Which made me fall in love with him all. over. again.

I started removing all the old labels from containers and boxes.

I then proceeded to use an entire roll of labeling tape.

In two hours.

I then made  asked (in my sweetest voice) Mr.. Because Wendi Said So to get off his keister and buy me some more.

He did.

And then I went about relabeling my pantry.

 

Everything got a fresh label.

A face lift.

I can’t tell you how excited I get when I fling open the pantry doors looking for Oreo's rice cakes.

Now if I could just get the hubs to put a fresh coat of paint in there….

Give me your tired…

I am tired.

Actually tired doesn’t begin to describe it.

Exhausted.

No.

Near deaths door.

Now we’re talking.

I am not sure if it is because I had two of my three kids home the last four days.

Or because they had friends over.

Or because I had to break up 526 fights.

Or because I had to do 4,518 loads of laundry.

Or because I had to answer the phone 189 times.

Or because my doorbell rang ten times.

Or because yesterday also involved basketball practice, dance, scouts, a PTA board meeting (that I never made it to), and working the concession stand.

Or because after toting three children to basketball practice, dance, scouts, and a friends house I had to take a test.

Three tests to be exact.

Which happened to be two hours each.

You do the math.

And… I didn’t start on them until 9:30pm.

Would you judge me if I crawled back into bed right now?

Not Me! Monday

 

Welcome one and all to my weekly edition of Not Me! Monday.

A place where I can confess all the things I have not done this week.

Won’t you join me?

I am not home again with two of my children today.

Nope not me.

The school would never schedule a teachers workday one week after a holiday.

Can you imagine?

And they certainly wouldn’t schedule a workday two days in. a. row.

************************************
I did not have a moment of complete insanity.

And it did not have anything to do with letting my five year old have his very first sleep over last night.

Definitely not.

I did not live to tell about it.

It did not go surprisingly well.

I did not walk in on a conversation between the two five year olds and think they were discussing child labor laws.

Seriously.

I did not discover upon further investigation that in fact they were discussing how Batman lasers bad guys on the Wii
.
Same thing…right?

**********************************
My dear blog friend Krystyn did not bring to my attention that my email had somehow been disabled.

She is not thoughtful.

Try as I might, I could not get it to work.

I did not then ask Krystyn how to fix the problem.

She did not refer me to this post.

Laughter did not ensue.

The post was not one I had written myself explaining how to do the very thing that was perplexing me.

I do not feel silly.

**********************
Now is your turn.

What haven’t you done this week?

Pink Apples and Purple Pears ...Oh my!

Nineteen years.

Nineteen years of marriage.

And let's not forget the years of dating.

But who's counting?

You would think my husband knew most things about me.

Important things.

Like the way I like my towels folded.

Or how I like my eggs.

And how I have aversions to printed paper towels.

What?

Tell me I am not alone.

Just yesterday I asked Mr. Because Wendi Said So to pick up some paper towels on his way home from work.

Easy request.

Only not so much.

He brought home paper towels of the printed variety.

Of the pink apple and purple pear variety.

Who has a pink apple and purple pear theme going on in their kitchen these days I ask you?

Certainly not me.

I then asked him if he knew of my notsofondofprintedpapertowels issues.

He of course said he had no idea.

Bless. his. heart.

I wonder what else he doesn't know.

Hmmm...

If you are visiting me this week and need a paper towel, you can find them stored under the sink.

Way in the back.

Not Me! Monday

Well my friends it is Monday.

And we know what that means.

Yes, it is time to strip the beds and start the laundry.

But that wasn't what I was talking about.

I am talking about confessions of the Not Me! variety.

Thanks to MckMama for hosting this weekly confessional.

It always makes me feel better.

Oh how I have missed this little 'fessing up time!

I have not been attempting to put all the Christmas boxes and ribbons around here in the attic.

Nope, not me.

It is the middle of January for heavens sake and that would be ridiculous.

I have not procrastinated the assent into the attic for fear of freezing my hinney-bones off.

It has not been like 35 degrees here which would make the attic -35.

I am not just a little bit tired of the labeled red and green boxes that are lining my hallway.

I am not even more tired of the freezing temperatures in eastern North Carolina.

I am not ready for spring.

And sunshine.

And fresh air.

I have not been watching my 13 year old workout with his P90X.

I have not started sweating just watching him.

I am not considering attempting this workout.

I am not hoping that someone will leave me a comment and talk me out of that insanity.

And especially not NOW!

I am not home today in celebration of MLK day.

And I am certainly not home with all three kiddos.

I am not excited about school tomorrow.

Not. one. little. bit.

I'm BAAACCCCKKKK!!!

Hello?

Anyone still here?

There is nothing quite like taking a few days off and realizing almost two months have passed.

Yikes!

How did that happen?

I never meant to just abandon my blog.

Or you.

I took my final exams and took off to finish Christmas shopping.

Shopping turned into wrapping.

And decorating.

And baking.

And celebrating.

And let's not forget eating.

Actually let's do.

Let's forget all about the deliciousness that made its way to my thighs.

It seems to have taken up residence there.

Permanently.

I digress.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

And Christmas.

And New Year.

It is really hard to fathom that I didn't share all of those bloggable moments with you.

But I feel certain that 2010 will be full of them!

Happy Thanksmas Year!!!