Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Things I Have Heard Come Out Of My Mouth This Week...

Please don't do that.
DON'T do that.
I would not do that if I were you.
Don't jump on the bed.
Don't jump on the couch.
Don't jump on your brother.
No more fighting.
Tell him you are sorry.
Tell him NOW!
Don't throw baseballs at the house.
What was that noise?
How many panes broke?
Go get your bath.
Don't splash.
How did this much water get on the floor?
No, you may not have candy for breakfast.
Clean your room.
Have you finished your homework?
Then, no.
What time is ball practice?
No, I do not know where your leotard is.
Try the drawer.
Do you have Scouts this week?
Money does not grow on trees.
Are you sure you have outgrown two pairs of shoes?
The store clerk said you need what size?
I am going to add your FEET to our boat insurance policy.
Yes, I made this for dinner and no, you cannot make a sandwich.
Give me a second.
Give me a minute.
Give me some privacy!
Get your hand out of the toilet.
You do not need that much toilet paper. Ever.
Go back and flush.
Did you wash your hands?
Go back and wash your hands.
Don't pick at that.
You will not be wearing THAT to school.
Or that.
Please brush your hair.
And teeth.
Pick up that piece of paper.
No, the one you have walked over four times.
Put away your shoes.
Stop screaming.
And whining.
Especially the whining.
Close your mouth when you chew.
Do not embarrass me like that again.
I will embarrass you one day...only worse.
Yes, you have to play with him.
Get off the computer.
Wait, before you eat that I need to take a picture.
No, that is not a choice or a viable option.
Stop yelling at your sister.
Don't you ever grab me like that in public. (oops. I think I said that to Chad!)
Stop running in the house.
That is it.
You are going up for auction on eBay at 5:00.
Why must you be soooo messy?
And so cute?
Thank you.
You are welcome.
No, really it was MY pleasure.
You are gorgeous.
I am glad to be your mommy.
Hello handsome!
Goodnight princess.
I love your eyes.
And nose.
And mouth.
To the moon and back.
I love you this much.


THopgood said...

Your list made me laugh! I could probably list 95% of those same things!

Happy Birthday to you!

Kristen said...

That was so Fabulous! There needs to be a book of "momisms".

Hey, maybe that is what I can do to make some money! :-)

Very cute! :-)

Motherhood for Dummies said...

"Don't even grab me like that in public!?" ha ha ha nice! Seems like you have a real hands on husband there :)

Emy5 said...

All moms say these things- I think. I love how you ended with all the sweet phrases!

OHmommy said...

GREAT list. really great. a typical day of a sahm. :)

Katie said...

I am so glad I got to see you before I left NC. I've been going crazy, I hope you know, because your blog hasn't been working ALL DAY for me! I've been needing my Wendi blog fix. I hope you had a fantastic birthday!

Anonymous said...

You always crack me up...and I must admit many of those things I find myself saying as well!! :)

pb&j in a bowl said...

Love it! Check out this video, it goes right along with this list.

Ashley said...

Haha!! I wonder how much they would go for on Ebay!!~

Lynell said...

Boy I think we can all relate! So much fun to read! Ü

Amy said...

I have used the Ebay comment myself, but to pinpoint a specific time...hmmm....maybe that would work more effectively. Also we threaten to sell them to the gypsies....

Grammy Staffy said...

Oh my goodness! You should write a book. No...really. This post is so funny because it is so typical of all moms. You took the mundane and made it laughable.
I have a friend, Amanda Baker who started writing as a deversion when her kids were small. She has now published over 50 romance novels on the best seller lists. (You can check her out at Who knows, with your writing skills, maybe you could write a "Chocolate for Moms" book (since Chicken Soup is already taken.) Have a good day.

Grammy Staffy said...

p.s. Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. I didn't know how to blog a few weeks ago and now getting comments makes my day. Funny huh!! Maybe it is the hidden, want to be a writer, inside of me.

Cecily R said...

This: You are going up for auction on eBay at 5:00 made me laugh.

The rest made me feel right at home. Even the grabby one...:)

carrie & troy keiser said...

Have you been peaking in my windows?! :)