GREEN BEANS AND YAMS

Last Thursday I dropped Claire off at dance and drove to the Barber Shop.

My boys were in desperate need of a weed-eater trim.

Really desperate.

When we arrived all the chairs were full.

Chase and I entertained ourselves with light conversation.

Cole entertained everyone else.

It is always interesting to me what we can learn from our kids in a few brief minutes.

"I am starving MOM", said Chase.

"Why would you be starving? Didn't you eat lunch?", I inquired.

"Sorta."he whispered.

"Sorta what? Sorta you did or sorta you didn't?" I snapped.

"Sorta I didn't."

"Why would you not eat? Refresh my memory... did you pack lunch today or buy?" I asked.

He replied, "Sorta."

Don't you love it when you are trying to make conversation with your child and they want to be difficult and make you ask 100 questions to find out the answer to one flippin' question?

"Okay Chase... tell me did you or didn't you eat lunch, what did you eat if you did, and was it good? Oh, and why are you starving?"

"Do you promise not to be mad at me Mom?" he asked.

Me mad?

"Why would I be mad? Just answer my questions!" I blurted.

Finally he answered, "Yes-I -was-served-lunch-it-was-yams-and-green-beans-No-I-did-not-eat-it."

"Chase for the love of all things holy... why did you only have yams and green beans?"

He spoke quietly as he murmured, "Because I did not have any money left on my lunch card."

"WHAT! What do you mean you did not have any money on your card? What do you mean you only got yams and green beans and a cup to get water out of the sink? When did you find out your card balance was "0"? Where was your teacher? Who else knows about this?" I screamed asked.

That is where I think I had the attention of everyone in the barber shop.

It was me or Cole.

Cole was doing some sort of break dance move on the filthy disgusting, hair-filled, gross floor.

Maybe it was Cole.

Whatever.

All eyes were on "US".

I really don't get mad easily.

Just don't mess with my babies and their food though.

Apparently, a note was to be sent home that very day stating that I owed $4.10.

The policy is that once you owe more than $3.50 on your card, your child will be served a PB&J sandwich or something like that.

I was not aware my child's card had a balance to be paid.

I just write a check periodically for an amount and they let me know when I need to send more.

I volunteer at the school .

I am always willing to do my part.

I am sure there were lots of children receiving free or reduced lunch that day.

Why then was MY child served yams and green beans for lunch?

Why did his teacher not give him the $1.50 it costs for lunch?

She knows where to reach me.

She knows I would pay her back.

Heck, I would probably bake her cookies in gratitude.

I was mad.

I was quite upset.

Okay... I was furious!

Upon leaving the barber shop, I whipped into the nearest Bojangles to feed my child's poor, empty stomach.

The next day, I spoke with the Guidance Counselor.

She was very apologetic.

She could not have been nicer.

She assured me that it would never happen again.

Forward to today.

I took my kids to school this morning.

The principal greeted us.

She opened the car door for the kids to get out.

She leaned in and apologized for the "lunchroom" incident.

She said they had held a special meeting about it.

She also said they had changed their policy and it would never happen again.

Wow!

It was that easy.

Maybe tomorrow I will call the Guidance Counselor about the quality of food being served, or the cleanliness of some of the restrooms, or maybe the amount of "Mommy projects" being assigned this week.

What do you think?

"Wunny" Story

About six months ago, Cole was still struggling with pronouncing the letter "f".
All of his "f's" came out "w's".
For example.
On the end of his hand were his "wingers".
He put his shoe on his "woot".
He loved to go "wishing" on the boat with his Dad.
His favorite thing to eat with his nuggets is "wench wies".
Well, you get where I am going with this.
At first I thought it was cute and I would repeat his precious words.
And giggle.
My mother told me to stop encouraging him to speak incorrectly.
She is usually right.
The next time he asked me to get him some "whoood" instead of food, I corrected him.
" Yes, Cole I would be happy to get you some food".
Sometimes he would try to repeat what I had said and sometimes he wouldn't.
When he was 3 1/2 I knew he should not still be transposing the letters.
I made sure when he said, " I want to go wishing " I would get down on his level and say, "FA FA FA fishing".
"Fa Fa Fa fishing", he would repeat back to me.
"Great Cole... great job!", I would encourage.
One day he was trying to explain something to me about what he wanted for lunch.
I tried to make out what he was saying.
It was slurred and unrecognizable.
He could see the puzzled look on my face.
After the fifth attempt to help me understand , he grabbed my hand, pulled me down to his level, put both hands on either side of my face and with all the seriousness of a 3 1/2 year old he said, " Repeat after me Mommy, FA FA FA sandwich".

(Sorry Mom. I couldn't help but laugh.)



Need more laughs this Monday? Head over to Absolutely Bananas!

COPYCAT

Lisa and Queen B both posted a little meme/tag on their blog. They did not tag anyone...so I am tagging myself. (Due to lack of material today)

Where is your cell phone? on the charger...so that I will forget to take it with me to the ballgame tonight.

Your significant other? at work... where he is 95% of the time.

Your hair? not good today. Kinda mousy brown with a few too many grey hairs popping up.

Your mother? 2 hours away.

Your father? With my mother. How I wish they were closer.

Your favorite things? My family.

Your dream last night? I never remember my dreams. I am not sure I have them.

Your favorite drink? It was Diet Coke. I gave up soft drinks over a year ago. Now, my drink of choice is a glass of ice water with lemon. ( I know I am living on the edge-huh?)

Your dream/goal? To sleep through the night again. To go to the bathroom alone. (these are short term goals, but they are important!)

The room you’re in? Living room

Your ex? Nice guy. I have no idea where he is right now.

Your fear? Dying before my kids grow up.

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Right where I am. (with more money, less debt, better hair and much skinnier)

Where were you last night? Which part of last night? I was dropping Claire off at dance, getting the boys hair cut, picking Claire up from dance, cooking dinner, taking Claire to Softball practice, taking Chase to baseball practice.... but at 9:05 I was on my couch glued to the tube. Finally, a new episode of Grey's Anatomy. It did not disappoint.

What you’re not? A Hunter. A Fisher. A Camper. A Sports junkie. A Car dealer. (oh, hey I am NOT my husband)

Muffins? Blueberry

One of your wish list items? Only one...please let me name two. A laptop and a new SLR camera.

Where you grew up? Eastern North Carolina

The last thing you did? I just threw in another load of laundry. (does that count?)

What are you wearing? Yoga pants and a t-shirt. I taught Creative Movement this morning and thought if I just kept on the "workout attire" it would inspire me to go to the gym. It hasn't.

Your TV? Is on entirely too much. It has to be tired.

Your pets? A 1 year old black lab named TAR.

Your computer? A Dell desktop. There are too many of us using it. I need a laptop!

Your life? Complete. Very crazy and busy. But Complete.

Your mood? Tired. Ready for bed. And it is only 4:00.

Missing someone? My father-in-law. He passed away in October. It still does not seem real.

Your car? White GMC Yukon XL

Something you’re not wearing? shoes

Favorite store? Ann Taylor Loft and Pottery Barn

Your summer? Almost here. I cannot wait!

Like someone? I like my family. I like my friends. I like my blog readers (all 3.5 of you!).

Your favorite color? Pink

When is the last time you laughed? A few minutes ago.

Last time you cried? Last week.

Who will repost this? I have no idea. Just let me know so I can read it!!!

LAUGHING OUT LOUD

Our assignment for today's TELL-ALL was this:

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

~e.e. cummings

What makes you laugh?

I have thought about this topic for the last few days.

I have written a dozen or so posts and then simply hit delete.

There are so many things that are funny to me.

There are so many reasons to laugh.

Growing up, I remember a lot of laughter.

My dad is one of the funniest people I know.

Really.

He has this remarkable wit and dry sense of humor.

He can be talking about almost anything and throw in a little of his wit and I am rolling on the floor in laughter.

The dinner table was always a place for laughter.

Not just a little laugh .

I mean laugh until you screamed, "Stop. I am going to wet my pants if you don't quit!"

I am talking laughter so hard that someone, usually me, would wind up spraying drink from their nose.

That is my kind of laughter.

I have found a few others that make me laugh.

My kids and my husband.

They provide me lots of blog fodder.

My brothers.

They have our fathers dry humor and keep me in stitches.

John Stewart.

That man is FUNNY.

Jerry Seinfeld.

Who doesn't still quote Seinfeld episodes?

Ellen DeGeneres.

She is one funny girl.

The TV show Will and Grace.

I have never watched an episode that I did not laugh out loud.

Saturday Night Live.

Classic. Good stuff.

I am not a huge SNL follower these days, but remember when?

Who remembers Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy?

How about Buckwheat, Dana Carvey as Church lady, Hans and Franz, Wayne's World, Chris Rock, Tina Fey and the unforgettable Molly Shannon?

They all made me laugh.

A lot.

Then there is you.

My fellow bloggers.

You are a funny lot.

I have laughed so hard at the computer my kids have run in to check on me.

They almost called 911.

Almost.

Now they know that when mommy is in "blogging mode" laughter and possible bouts of not being able to breathe will follow.

I could give you 100's of examples.

Here are a few of my favorites.

I could not stop laughing about this one.

This one made me laugh til my sides ached.

This too was much too funny not to share.

I could go on and on.

There are some funny mommy bloggers out there.

Which reminds me, my reader is overflowing with good, funny stuff and I need to catch up.

So, I leave you with this.

I hope you laugh as much as I did.

My Week As A Single Parent

You may have noticed my lack of posting this week.
You may have noticed that I haven't commented on your blog.
You may have noticed that if I did post or comment, it was lame and dull.
There is a reason.
I have been a single parent this week.
Chad was away on a business trip.
I am accustomed to doing most of the work at home.
I know that if the kids are going to get anywhere it will be up to me.
Taxiing three kids to various activities is part of my normal routine.
BUT.
Chad is a huge help when it comes to bedtime, baths, and studying for a test.
He also takes the kids to school every morning on his way to work.
He is my oh-sorry-honey-I-forgot-something-on-my-list-could-you-be-a-dear-and-get-it-for-me?
I forgot how much that helps!
This week it was all up to me.
I had to get the kids to school on time. (which is terribly hard for me)
I was the only parent to help with homework and study for tests.
I was the only available taxi to their activities.
I somehow managed to get my kids to two baseball practices, one Boy Scout activity, three dance classes, two softball practices, and one Achievement night activity without ANY thoughts of suicide.
I made three trips to two different stores trying to find the right color, size, and brand of softball glove for Claire. (slitting my wrist was only thought of once)
I also took Cole to preschool four mornings.
I baked cupcakes and had a birthday party for him .
Yesterday I took him to the Pediatrician for his four year old checkup.
Two hours and 5 shots later, we walked out the door. (here is where the real suicidal thoughts entered)
In my spare time I taught ten Music classes and four Creative Movement classes to three and four year old preschoolers.
I am not trying to give you a play by play of my life.
I am not trying to whine about my circumstance.
I know you are all just as busy as me.
What I am trying to say is, I GIVE!
I can't do it.
Alone that is.
I do not have that many hands.
I am a terrible juggler.
Really.
I am amazed at the women that do it.
Alone.
I am not one of them.
Today my husband is home.
I am most grateful.
When he gets off work, he can have the kids, and their activities, and all the taxiing.
What?
Oh, right.
Today is Friday.
There is NOTHING on my calendar.

MY BABY IS FOUR!!!

It was August.
August in North Carolina means it was unbearable.
Hot, sticky, and humid. (not a good combination)
I was miserable.
I was sick.
I could not eat.
Everything I looked at made me sick.
I was tired.
All I wanted to do was sleep.
Because I was a Mommy of two...that did not happen.
I thought I had the flu.
I was tired, my back ached, and I was nauseated.
I thought it could be a virus.
The hot August weather did not help matters.
My symptoms continued for a few weeks.
I did not have a fever .
I was not sick enough for a doctor.
My symptoms soon changed.
My tired, weary body could hardly go.
I was nauseated morning , noon, and night.
I could not cook.
The sight of raw chicken sent me flying to the bathroom.
Still, I did not know why.
I was in extreme denial.
My friends encouraged me to take a pregnancy test.
I laughed.
Hard.
No, that could definitely not be it.
I was sure.
I had two children.
One little boy and one little girl.
I had everything.
My "symptoms" continued for a month.
One day my doorbell rang.
It was one of my best friends, Karyn.
She stood there with a brown paper bag in hand.
"I thought you needed a reality check", she blurted.
She continued, " Take this and call me when you are done."
I opened the bag.
It contained a pregnancy test.
She was right.
I needed to know.
I wanted to prove that I was indeed NOT pregnant.
I called her back.
She stayed on the phone with me while I peed on a stick and waited. (aren't girlfriends the best?)
IT WAS POSITIVE!
I cried.
I was not happy.
How could this be?
It took me a few days for it all to sink in.
It took me a few days to tell Chad.
He was shocked, then excited.
He called everyone.
I threw up.
I continued to throw up for the entire 38 weeks.
Pregnancy is not something I am good at.
There was no "glow".
From the moment I had my first ultrasound, I knew I was in love.
There is something about that first picture.
The seeing it on the screen.
The hearing that first heartbeat.
It made everything real.
April 15th, 2004 came.
I was scheduled to have a c-section.
Cole was born that afternoon.
My life has never been the same.
Cole has never been a sleeper.
He has never been a great napper.
He has more energy than any one child should.
He is sweet as sugar.
His smile will make you melt.
He gives the very best hugs and kisses in the world.
He has completed our family.
He added the piece we didn't even know was missing.
I am more in love with him today than four years ago.
I did not know that would be possible.
Happy Birthday my little Cole man!!!

PARDON MY ABSENCE

Please excuse my absence from the blogasphere this weekend. I will be busy finishing my TAXES!!! I have procrastinated stalled put it off as long as possible. I would rather be watching paint dry on the wall have my right arm severed be getting a pedicure. It seems there is some sort of law that I have to file before Tuesday. Wish me luck. I am going to need it!

In the meantime I leave you a few photos of Chase and Cole. They were enjoying these 80 degree days so much they offered to wash my car. (notice "Princess" Claire did not!)

Things I Have Heard Come Out Of My Mouth This Week...

Stop.
Please don't do that.
DON'T do that.
I would not do that if I were you.
Don't jump on the bed.
Don't jump on the couch.
Don't jump on your brother.
No more fighting.
Tell him you are sorry.
Tell him NOW!
Don't throw baseballs at the house.
What was that noise?
How many panes broke?
Go get your bath.
Don't splash.
How did this much water get on the floor?
No, you may not have candy for breakfast.
Clean your room.
Have you finished your homework?
Then, no.
What time is ball practice?
No, I do not know where your leotard is.
Try the drawer.
Do you have Scouts this week?
Money does not grow on trees.
Are you sure you have outgrown two pairs of shoes?
The store clerk said you need what size?
I am going to add your FEET to our boat insurance policy.
Yes, I made this for dinner and no, you cannot make a sandwich.
Give me a second.
Give me a minute.
Give me some privacy!
Get your hand out of the toilet.
You do not need that much toilet paper. Ever.
Go back and flush.
Did you wash your hands?
Go back and wash your hands.
Twice.
Don't pick at that.
You will not be wearing THAT to school.
Or that.
Please brush your hair.
And teeth.
Pick up that piece of paper.
No, the one you have walked over four times.
Put away your shoes.
Stop screaming.
And whining.
Especially the whining.
Close your mouth when you chew.
Do not embarrass me like that again.
I will embarrass you one day...only worse.
Yes, you have to play with him.
Get off the computer.
Smile.
Wait, before you eat that I need to take a picture.
No, that is not a choice or a viable option.
Stop yelling at your sister.
Don't you ever grab me like that in public. (oops. I think I said that to Chad!)
Stop running in the house.
That is it.
You are going up for auction on eBay at 5:00.
Why must you be soooo messy?
And so cute?
Thank you.
You are welcome.
No, really it was MY pleasure.
You are gorgeous.
I am glad to be your mommy.
Hello handsome!
Goodnight princess.
I love your eyes.
And nose.
And mouth.
To the moon and back.
I love you this much.

Reason #38 1/2:

In honor of my 38th birthday (which I am trying to forget!) , I wrote a post.

It included 38 Random Facts about me.

You can scroll down or read about it here.

Today, I will add a photo and more facts.

This was my birthday cake.

Nothing particularly special except my husband made it.

My kids helped too.

They used a Betty Crocker cake mix.

The husband made my homemade chocolate icing.

What ?

Yes, you read that correctly.

My husband thumbed through my recipe box.

He located my Chocolate Icing recipe.

He found the ingredients.

He stirred. He baked. He iced a 3 layer cake.

He had a little help from our children.

Candles?

He could not find them.

He improvised.

He put 38 flaming matches on top of a beautiful cake.

It was delicious!!!

Reason #38 1/2 I am again a lucky girl!

(The cake is doing nothing for problem # 6 though!)

38 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:

Today is my birthday.

I am 38 years old.
There I said it.
3. 8.
I am edging ever so closely to 40.
I am aware of that fact.
Very aware.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I thought I would write.
So here is my birthday post.
38 Random facts about me.
Yes, today is ALL about me.


1. I am short. ( 5'2" to be exact.)
2. I was the tallest girl in my fifth grade class.
3. I just never grew after that.
4. I weighed 103 pounds when I got married.( I thought I was HUGE!)
5. I do not weigh 103 today...thanks for asking!
6. I could stand to lose a few pounds, or 30.
7. I am considering Diet and Exercise.
8. I hate saying those two words together. Say it: Diet and Exercise. It makes my mouth feel dirty. Yours?
9. I feel a sudden need for Scope.
10. I have also considered having my mouth wired shut.
11. Only allowing myself "sips" of protein shakes throughout the day.
12. I would probably need to throw up.
13. That could really go wrong.
14. I love to cook.
15. And bake.
16. And eat. (which is why I have # 6 on the list)
17. I love to clean.
18. Let me rephrase. I love things to be clean. And orderly.
19. No matter how much I clean and organize- it never seems to stay that way.
20. Which frustrates the heck out of me!
21. I can NOT clean just the surfaces in a room without cleaning the "insides" too.
22. Meaning, if I clean the kitchen, I can't stop once the dishes are washed, the counters are wiped and the floor is mopped.
23. I MUST clean and straighten every drawer and cabinet, the pantry and the refrigerator.
24. I learned how to put words in alphabetical order in the 1st grade.
25. It is one of the most useful things I learned in school. I use it daily.
26. I love to alphabetize my spices, Cd's , DVDs, books, and children. (really just about anything.)
27. It drives my husband crazy!
28. I love my husband. He is a good man.
29. I hate loathe detest do not like his chosen hobbies. (fishing and hunting)
30. I am not a fan of dead animals used as wall art.
31. I love it when my husband cooks or grills. (He could seriously win a "Grilling Contest"-hands down.)
32. I love to scrapbook.
33. It is therapy for me.
34. So is this blog. I love it!
35. I think it is better than crack I am seriously addicted to both.
36. I love my family. (both immediate and extended)
37. They are my world.
38. I am a lucky girl!!!

Let the gift-giving commence!!!

The Writing On The Wall

I sat down to the computer to draft a post.

Nothing.

I looked at the tablet beside me which contained a list of possible topics, unfinished memes, and things the kids have said this week.

None of the aforementioned items appealed to me.

I tried to type.

I deleted at least 3 short posts.

Not good.

Then I heard it.

The eerie silence.

I jumped up from the computer and turned the corner to see Cole with this in his hand.

NOT AGAIN!!!

Remember this?

Not funny. (though he thinks so!)

"What did you write on Cole?", I pleaded.

"Nuffing", he replied.

"Show me Cole. Show mommy what you drew on."

"NOW!", my voiced raised.

Then he produced his hands which he said he "Tattooed".

What do you think?

Is he destined for employment at LA INK?

Then I saw this on the furniture.

He decided his basketball needed a little autograph too.

I should have seen this coming.

I woke up to a chilly 48 degrees.

The high today will only be 60 degrees.

Yesterday was 70 degrees.

Tomorrow will be 78 degrees.

Today it is 60!

Which meant I had to flip the heat back on.

I was hoping that little switch would not be touched for another seven months.

Today it is overcast.

Today it is dreary.

I have black permanent ink in places I should not see black permanent ink.

I went online to do my banking.

I have $1500 less in the bank than my keeping-the-running-balance-in-my head said it should be.

Nice.

After doing six loads of laundry yesterday, I still have three more.

I have not had a shower yet.

Cole has been screaming at me all morning that he wants to eat a bag of chocolate chips.

The whole 24oz. bag.

Not. going. to. happen.

Today I learned yet another important fact.

Never think you have NOTHING to write about.

If you wait, (oh, say about 30 seconds) something inevitably will happen.

Something that will probably be "Blog worthy".

Yep, I should have seen the writing on the wall.

AND THE WINNER IS....

Thanks to all of you that left comments and entered my little Ped Egg give away.

I was surprised to hear from so many.

I did not expect such a huge response.

I should have known if the word FREE was uttered you would come!

It has been so much fun that I may just have to do another one when I stumble across another great product.

Chad gave me his permission.

His only stipulation was that the next product I fall in love with could not be a 52" Plasma screen television.

He is stingy like that.

I assured him that would not interest me or my readers.

Lip gloss and Ped eggs were much more appealing.

Anyway, the point is I intend to do this again.

I enjoyed all the name calling and "I deserve it more than her" crap.

It made my day!

When you practically hijacked my blog... now that was another story.

I couldn't believe you girls started writing each other notes and threats via my blog.

That was just not right.

I mean get your own Gmail account...please!

Seriously, it was entertaining.

I laughed and kept score right along with you.

I thought that each of you had some valid points.

The pregnancy card was used more than once.

The dry Utah air card was used.

The "I stand on my feet and teach America's future" crap line was used.

Someone even offered her children to babysit in exchange for an "egg".

I had to think long and hard about that one.

I heard all kinds of poor, sob stories about your tired, nasty, ugly feet.

Okay... so you ALL deserve one.

Only... I can't afford to do that.

So you will just have to applaud the winner and try to be big about it.

To be fair, I wrote each name on a slip of paper.





I folded them up.

My kids placed them in some sort of "Pimp Daddy" hat.



The hat was shaken.

Cole put his hand in and drew the lucky winner.

I took the first picture. It just looks white.

SEE.

I took one more photo.

If you squint really hard you can read it.

Good luck with that.

Congratulations! Please email me your mailing address and the winning "egg" will be mailed promptly.

Okay...okay... the winner is....




JAZ!

I honestly couldn't be happier.

I did not know how happy until I began to type.

It is hard to type when my "face is raining".

Cole says that.

I can't end here without a few words about our winner.

Jaz is one of my favorite people.

She babysat my kids.

She lived in NC.

She moved and we all miss her.

Please let me share with you why this sweet girl moved her family of four to another state.

Away from her family of like 10,000. (I am not kidding!)

Her sister-in-law was killed in a tragic car accident last year.

She left behind a husband and two babies.

Jaz and her husband couldn't bear the thought of them being alone and without a mommy.

They packed up their things and moved in with her brother-in-law.

Jaz went from being a mommy of two precious children to a mommy of four almost overnight.

What a kind act of selflessness.

What an incredible woman.

The world needs more "Jaz" in it.

Don't you agree?

I would give you all the link to Jaz and you could congratulate her yourself, but she went all "PRIVATE" on us.

Just leave your comments to her on my blog.

She can read them here.

I promise I will not complain at all if my comment section is hijacked again.

Congratulations Jaz!!!

I can't think of a more deserving winner!