Bringing Home the Bacon

Aren't these just adorable?

I made them for a Teacher Appreciation brunch last week.

I knew you would appreciate them too.

I will gladly share how to make these chocolaty breakfast looking creations.

You will need three key ingredients:

Pretzel sticks

White chocolate almond bark




yellow m'n m's.

You will also need a strong arm to stir the chocolate.

First you want to melt the chocolate.

Place chocolate in a microwave safe bowl and cook for 1 minute.

Stir.



It should be creamy and smooth.

If more time is needed, warm for 15 second intervals.

Do. not. over. cook.

If you burn it, it is no good and must be thrown out at once.

Continuing...

Place a dollop of white chocolate on wax paper or aluminum foil.




Just a dollop will do you.

Gingerly place one yellow m'n m on the chocolate.



Do not place it in the middle.

You still have bacon to gingerly place too.

If you find that you accidentally placed your m'n m in the middle, never fear.

Just serve the non-meat treat to your vegetarian friends.

Where were we?

Oh yes..now place two pretzel sticks (bacon) on the white chocolate.



Let it cool and Wa-la!

A breakfast sensation: Bacon and Eggs.

What are you waiting for?

Go make yourself a few.

You. are. welcome.

Dear Gym

Dear Gym,

It wasn't you. It was me. I just couldn't bring myself to be with you every. single. day. It was too much. I needed to take a little break in our relationship. I needed more time to sleep eat double stuffed oreo's spend with my family.

I know that it has been over a year since we last got together, but I've had lots of time to eat, I mean think. After much soul searching I have decided we should get back together. I promise it has absolutely nothing to do with this embarrassing moment. Or the fact that my pants wouldn't button this morning. It has more to do with the fact that I really need you. Oh how I need you.

I promise to give it a go. I give you my word that I will show up and not wish I was in bed somewhere else. I hope you will open your heart doors and let me back in. I need your weapons of fat destruction to whip me in shape. And if possible, could you do it by Christmas?

Your fluffy girl,
Me

A Storm is Brewing?

I am a weather kinda girl.

I check weather.com every morning to know how to dress my children for the day.

I know all the weather personalities on the weather channel.

I refer to them by their first name.

Jim. Mike. Stephanie. Dr. Steve.

And I may or may not consider them part of my family.

So imagine my surprise when huge clouds arrived yesterday bringing an onslaught of rain.

I had no clue.

How did I not know this?

Has my head been in the books so much lately that I didn't even know I needed to prepare for the imminent arrival of Ida ?

Apparently so, because I just caught up on all-things-weather and we are under a flood advisory, high wind advisory, and are expected to get 8 inches of rain by Friday night.

Excuse me while I go stock up on non-perishables and bottled water.

And gas up the boat.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama.

Yes, I know it's not Monday.

Welcome to my life.

I did not spend 4,167 hours of my precious time this past week writing a 5 page essay for my Old Testament class.

Nope, not me.

Because that would make me want to swear.

And swearing about a religious paper just doesn't seem right.

My professor did not suggest that we needed to turn in a flawless paper.

Perfect grammar was not suggested either.

I did not evoke the help of my friends, neighbors, family, teachers, and random people on the street.

I would never ask them to read and critique my paper.

That would be asking for trouble.

And opinions.

And lots of red ink marks all over my paper.

Thank heavens I wasn't foolish enough to do that.

The stress would have been too much.

Just to be clear, I did not ingest 5000 additional calories every day hour second.

Because feeding stress with Halloween candy is a "no no".

Especially if it is chocolate Halloween candy.

And more especially if it is bite size.

A Gentle Reminder

A tragic accident occurred a few weeks ago.

It involved a four wheeler.

And a 17 year old.

He was a friend of Chase.

His mom, a dear friend of mine.

Somehow blogging just hasn't felt right.

There wasn't much to write about.

Nothing seemed funny.

Or witty.

I couldn't type anything that seemed appropriate.

I cried often.

My heart still breaks for his family.

I. can. not. imagine.

I can't even begin to.

I don't know how I could endure the loss of a child.

And yet, I do.

I am most grateful for the faith I have and for the understanding that this family will be reunited again one day.

That knowledge alone brings me great comfort.

I am grateful for the power of prayer.

I am also grateful that I have been given a gentle reminder that each day is precious.

Let us all be reminded of that.

Hug your children a little tighter today.

Tell your family you love them.

Mend fences.

Build bridges.

Make that phone call you have been putting off.

Have a picnic on the living room floor.

Laugh.

Buy ice cream.

Dance.

Live with no regrets.

Be happy.

Dear Mr. Gas Meter Reader

Dear Mr. Gas Meter Reader,

I would like to send you my deepest apologies for the image that I feel certain will forever be etched in your memory. As you rounded the corner of my house this morning, I am sure that you were not expecting to see me. And by me, I mean ALL of me. Perhaps you got a little too close to my window. I don't usually make it a habit of parading around my home nekkid. Most of the time I can be found completely covered. But today, my dear reader of my meter, was not your lucky day. I had just showered and realized I forgot my towels. The linen closet is just outside my bedroom. I tiptoed to the closet. I reached for the towels. And. there. you. were. It was definitely a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am quite certain that you were not prepared to see that much white, dimply flesh. I pray you did not eat breakfast this morning. Oh, how I pray. And I hope this will not cause you to have aversions to cheese that is cottage. (Though I feel sure that it will) I hope your corneas will heal soon and you will not intentionally overcharge me this month.

The nekkid chick in the window,
Me

You know you live in a small town when....

You pick up the local paper and read this:

On Sept. 28, a woman reported someone pried open her front door and stole the following: Food valued at $4 and a speaker box valued at $50.

On Sept. 29, an employee of a local grocery store reported someone stole the following: A bag of chips valued at $1, two packages of lemon drops valued at $1, and a box of aluminum foil valued at $1. All items were recovered and the incident was cleared by an arrest.

Seriously?

Do we not have anything more exciting to report?

I have more excitement going on in my home than that.

On Sept. 29, a five year old stole his sisters Oreo and refused to give it back. He denied the incident but was found guilty when the evidence of said cookie was all over his face. Punishment is pending.

On Sept. 30, an incident of assault with a deadly weapon was reported as a thirteen year old, who certainly knew better, whacked his little brother in the head with a ping pong paddle. Punishment was immediately administered.

Oh, and for the record...if I am ever caught stealing, please let it be for an 87" plasma and not a ham sandwich and cough drops.

Not Me! Monday

It seems like ages since I have participated in this little ray of sunshine I call Not Me! Monday.

Actually, I didn't name it.

MckMama did.

It is her thing...I just participate.

Let's get started, shall we?




I did not let my first born play football this year.

Nope, not me.

He is a seventh grader for heavens sake.

I am protective of my babies and am quite fond of their bones.

I am especially fond of bones that are in one piece.

If I did let my first born play such sports, I most certainly would not let him play far from home.

And certainly not in remote locations that do not have cell phone service.

Or paved roads.

I am kidding about the roads.

I think.

I must know where my children are at all times.

And what condition their bones are in.

So, I would never, ever text every person that I knew to find out about said bones.

Or teeth.

That would be a tad bit overprotective.

And that is definitely not me.

A Match Made In Math Heaven

Would you like to hear something funny?

Think hilarious.

I am substitute teaching today in the eighth grade.

No, that is not the funny part.

Guess what subject I am teaching?

Yup, you guessed it....math.

And not just any 'ole math, oh no.

Algebra.

I am not so good at the Algebra....remember?

Let's just keep it our little secret okay?

I pray no one asks me a question.

Square roots, Inequalities, and Polynomials...OH MY!!!

I am not sure how it happened.

I remember signing up for my fall classes.

I remember my advisor saying that I needed another math.

I just don't remember agreeing.

It must have been a moment of weakness.

Or desperation.

You see... I don't do math.

Let alone Algebra.

I stinketh at the Algebra.

Give me a book to read.

Give me a sentence to diagram.

But, please oh please...don't give me an algebraic equation.

Did I mention that am not so good at the Algebra?

Anyhoo...I bought my book and began to think way back to a time I knew how to solve an equation.

Way. back.

20 years back.

I thought and thought, but it didn't help.

I tried to work out problems, but that didn't work either.

So I closed my eyes, said a prayer and took my first quiz.

What happened?

I am so glad you asked.

I (insert word that rhymes with mailed) it.

And I did what any good student would do.

I cried.

I composed an email (or ten) to my professor to drop the class.

And I called my Dad.

My wise father suggested I stop whining grow up get a tutor.

So I did.

I think my tutor is blown away by my mathematical skills.

Or lack of.

She mentioned during our first session that I had really nice handwriting.

She also said my College Algebra book was pretty.

I am sure hoping that a pretty book and nice handwriting will get me an A!

K is for Kindergarten, Kisses, and Kleenex

Last weekend was spent trying to convince my 5 year old that he needed to go to kindergarten.

Trying.

Last weekend my 5 year old spent every waking moment trying to convince us that kindergarten should in fact be canceled.

Indefinitely.

Tuesday morning arrived and a very different child emerged from his room.

An excited child.

An eager to pack his lunch child.

A hurryupIwanttoseemyteacher child.

And so began our first day.

A great start.

A new beginning.


Please note that this post was scheduled to post 3 weeks ago. I have got it together don't I?

One Hot Mess!

Because I have been absent from my little blog for the last few weeks, I will try to catch you up on the crazy that is my life.

Last Thursday Cole developed a fever.

It continued on Friday.

Our family vacation was to begin on Sunday.

Are you still with me?

Good....just checking.

Between Friday and Sunday, Cole saw the doctor twice.

His fever remained over 104 most of the time.

This mommy was freaking.

But only on the inside.

I sent my husband and two other children on to the beach.

With my suburban.

And our boat.

And all the food in our refrigerator.

The plan was that Cole and I would join them on Monday.

That was a great plan.

In my mind.

However, Cole continued with fever.

Shots were administered.

Blood work was ordered.

Tests were given.

The fever continued.

So we stayed.

And snuggled.

And watched movies together.

And ordered out, because our cupboards were bare.

And we dreamed of sunny days playing at the beach.

Finally we got the "go ahead" on Wednesday.

We drove as fast as we could to the beach.

The next morning, we enjoyed 10 glorious minutes at the pool before the rains fell.

And fell.

And didn't let up until late afternoon on Friday.

Do you see where I am going with this?

Yup, one day of sun and fun.

One.

Saturday.

But it was glorious!

Cole?

He is just fine.

They never found any serious reason for his high fevers.

We are just thrilled to have our energetic little five year old back!

Even if our vacation...really wasn't.

My Camera May Just Be Smarter Than Me

A friend of mine called me earlier in the summer and inquired if I would be interested in taking a photography class.

Absolutely!

I have owned my precious Nikon for over a year and I must admit that I rarely shoot unless I am in the auto mode.

You can pick your jaw up off the floor.

And stop rolling your eyes.

I know it is really unconscionable to think I have a nice SLR camera and I am not taking full advantage of all it has to offer.

I know about white balance.

I have read about apertures.

I have heard about ISO's.

But I don't get it.

So I signed up for an intro class.

And after my second class last night I am thrilled to report that I STILL DON'T GET IT!!!

I took great notes.

I listened intently.

I reviewed what I learned on the way home.

Then I spent the day at the pool with the kiddos and my Nikon.

I started thinking about white balance.

And apertures.

And ISO's.

By the time I figured out what I wanted my settings to be...the moment was lost.

And most of my photos were of the splashes left behind when my more than frustrated kids swam away from me.

At one point...Cole had a mask and snorkel on.

He looked adorable.

It was THE perfect moment.

It was taking me so long to make a decision the mask started to fog up.

And Cole took it off, gasping for breath.

Really?

Was it too much to ask for him to hold his breath, short of turning blue, so I could get the perfect shot?

Hopefully my next class will address that.

Just Peachy!

A friend dropped off a few bags of peaches the other day.

Fresh peaches.

Delicious peaches.

Over 75 peaches.

What's a girl to do with so many peaches?

Make stuff.

And so I did.

I decided to share with you one of my favorite new found recipes.

It is beyond delish.

Your taste buds will thank you.

And beg for more.

What is this recipe you ask?

Peach Salsa.

Now before you go sticking your nose up and saying yuck...try it.

You will thank me.

Again.

And again.

You will need the following ingredients for your salsa.

2 cups of chopped Fresh Peaches

1/4 cup of chopped red onion

1/4 cup of chopped red pepper

1 jalapeno pepper chopped and seeded

Arrange all your ingredients in a bowl so it looks pretty enough to photograph.

Then you will add 2 teaspoons of lime juice and 1/4 tsp of salt.

Stir.

Hello lover.

Cover and chill.

The only thing that would make this better is fresh cilantro.

Which I intend to add later.

If I have any left.

You might as well double or triple this recipe.

You are going to kick yourself if you don't.

Not that I would know anything about that.

Happy eating.

Prayers for Stellan

Today is Monday.

Monday for me usually means a big, fat, Not Me Monday post.

Those posts are hosted by MckMama.

Her little boy, Stellan, is very sick today.

Very, very sick.

You can read about him here.

And here.

Instead of posting...I will be praying.

He really needs prayers.

Won't you help me say a few?

Thanks.

Forever

When I think of my own wedding I have wonderful memories.

But hey it was MY wedding.

I hardly think my guests remember the color of my bridesmaids dresses.

Or the flavor of the cake that was served at the reception.

I am not sure I remember the flavor.

One thing is for sure.

The guests at this wedding will never forget it.

And those friends who didn't attend are kicking themselves for not replying.

Enjoy!

Overheard

Me: "Cole, you need to pick up these toys and put them back in your room."

Cole: "You've got to be kidding me!"

...........................................................................

Nana:"Those Charlie horses really messed up the grass in my front yard."

Me: "Really? How do leg cramps cause issues for your grass?"

Nana: "My legs are fine, but my grass has dead spots from all those Charlie horses the roofers had laying around."

Me: "Multiple roofers were thrashing around on your grass from leg cramps?"

Nana:"No silly they put boards on their Charlie horses"

Me: "Boards? I haven't heard that one. I was always told you need to eat more bananas."

Nana: "Okay...am I not using the right word again?"

Me: "I think the word you were looking for is Saw horses."

Nana:"Yeah...that too!"

................................................................................................

Claire: "Could you take me out to the country one day and teach me how to drive?"

Me:"Um... You have six years before you will be driving."

Claire:"Well, I need to start practicing."

...................................................................................................

Chase: "May I mow the grass? It looks like it needs cutting."

Me: " You are my favorite."

Note that all my children are my favorite, but at that very moment...Chase was.

It Is Possible To Teach An Old Dog New Tricks

If you follow me on Twitter then you know I have been taking a continuing education class this week.

Effective Teacher Training to be exact.

All. week.

All. day.

Every. day.

I will admit that I was not looking forward to it.

I envisioned a little old lady standing at the front of the room reading to me from a text book.

With those glasses on the end of her nose.

All. day.

Every. day.

Thank goodness I am not good at the envisioning.

I have the most amazing teacher.

A. maz. ing.

In three days, I have not seen her look at a note.

She hasn't read to me.

Or put me to sleep.

She knows her stuff.

And she is quite entertaining.

I even find myself disappointed we have to break for lunch.

Can you imagine me not wanting to eat?

I know...me either...but try to imagine it.

Now I am going to let you in on a little secret.

Shhhh.

Come closer.

I have learned a lot about myself this week.

A. lot.

I am not going to lie to you...it ain't all good.

I have been blaming my kids for most of what is wrong around our home.

Imagine my surprise when lo and behold I figured out it was mostly me.

Moi.

So I came home Monday and regrouped.

Reevaluated.

And applied what I learned that day.

I can not begin to tell you the difference it made.

Life changing even.

In three short days, my kids are behaving differently because I am.

I have not told them of the changes.

But I am quite certain they are aware of them.

They have to be.

I just wish I had been given this information 13 years ago.

You know back when Chase was born and I was given the
Everything-You-Ever-Wanted-to-Know-About-Motherhood Manual.

You got one....right?

Not Me! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog and see what she and every one else have NOT been doing this week.

I did not just spend another long weekend Internetless.

That would be ridiculous.

And unacceptable.

I did not tell Suddenlink that a divorce was imminent.

I certainly did not offer them one of my kidneys final chance to make our relationship work.

They did not send someone over to find that my cable modem needed to be replaced.

I did not utter the words, " Are you freakin' kidding me? The modem?"

Because I had never asked if that could be the problem.

Ever.

And definitely not five times.

I am not over-my-keyboard happy that when I click on the Internet...well...I actually get on the Internet.

What a concept!

My husband did not bring home a label maker from work.

He did not need it for a work related project.

I did not squeal with delight when I saw it.

Nope, not I.

Because labels do nothing for me.

I don't get all kinds of worked up over labels and color coding and alphabetizing.

And I would never get so into the making of said labels that I wouldn't notice Cole sleep walking down the hall.

And if Cole happened to sleep walk, which he clearly did not, he most certainly would not have peed a little on his freshly laundered sheets.

And no pee pee would have dribbled on the hard wood floor.

Not in his bedroom.

Or the hall way.

Or the family room.

Or the kitchen.

And he definitely would not have sleep walked his way into the half bath only to
stand in front of the toilet, eyes closed, pants up and pee all over the closed seat.

Thank goodness that DID NOT happen because that would have been quite the mess.

And I was tired and did not have hours to spend washing sheets and pajamas and scrubbing floors.

What about you?

What haven't you done this week?

Join me at MckMama's Place where you can 'fess up!

A Dirty Job

I may or may not have mentioned that I do a lot of laundry.

I may or may not have whined about it.

Do you blame me?

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not spend another weekend on a baseball field.

Nope, not me.

And certainly not my July 4th weekend.

That would be ridiculous.

The husband and I did not sit on opposite sides of the field.

Not us.

Chad never yells too loud at ballgames.

He is not a bleacher coach.

Which explains why he is not hoarse this morning.

My kids did not eat so many ice pops that they may never come down from the sugar high.

Cole did not entertain the crowd with his rendition of "Low".

And by entertaining, I do not mean singing with choreographed dance moves.

Claire did not hide from embarrassment.

Because she was certainly not the one that taught it to him.

Not her.

I am not just a tad bit excited that ball season is over.

I am not ready to finally get my summer started.

Now it is your turn...what haven't you done this week?

Moments in Left Field

Happy 4th of July friends!

In celebration of the 4th and because my Internet and I kissed, made up, and are now back together... I am posting today.

This year was Cole's first t-ball season.

He was so excited to play.

He talked about it constantly.

Then we started practicing.

And the excitement dwindled a bit.

Our first game was on the hottest day of the year.

More dwindling.

Cole was in left field.

Literally.

I took 172 "action" shots.

Here is a sampling:

Action...right?

Sitting.

Standing backwards.

Picking weeds.

Picking his nose.

Picking his seat.

Standing with his glove on his head.

Yelling to me, "Mom I am swwwweaattiinngg!"

Yelling again, "Is it ovvveeerrr?"

And then the shot I didn't get.

He ran off the field, in the middle of the game, to tell me he was hot and he was pretty sure it was time for his Gatorade break.

Those were the longest 10 baseball games I have ever endured.

Then Cole got a trophy.

His first.

And he exclaimed his excitement for next season.

I. can't. wait.

Dripping With Sugar

I am typing feverishly.

In hopes I can finish this before my Internet connection goes out again.

I called Suddenlink for the 1,975 time this month with my usual, "My Internet is out."

I didn't even call the Supervisor.

I wanted my call to be recorded.

I wanted to be all mad and pissy.

Because of course... I was.

I was just waiting to give it to the person that answered my call.

They answered.

I choked.

I decided to be nice and polite with a hint of Iamnotgoingtotakeitanymore.

Guess what?

Sometimes it pays to be nice.

I am back online.

And I got a credit on my account.

Who says nice girls finish last?

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I am not having Internet issues.

And I am not pointing my finger at my Internet provider.

Nope, not me.

I have not started recording each and every time it goes out.

Which is not turning into a book.

And it is not aggravating my carpal tunnel.

I am not on a first name basis with the Supervisor of Field Operations.

And I certainly do not have his cell phone number on my speed dial.

I am quite sure that if I had his number, which I do not, he would wish I didn't.

I have not called him ninety bazillion times.

I am also pretty sure bazillion is not a word.

Whatev.

I really do not need my Internet connection to last more than ten minutes.

I am superinternetwoman.

I don't have addictions blogs tweets email that needs to be checked.

Nope, not me.

What about you?

What haven't you done this week?

Mystery Solved

Well here I am.

Finally.

My Internet provider thought it would be fun to redo some lines for the last 24 hours.

Which has caused me great pain and anguish.

And possibly a rash.

And obviously very limited access to my beloved computer.

And you.

So without further ado...

I give you Cole's grocery list.



It is so obvious now...right?

I thought so.

I enjoyed all of your guesses.

And yet only one of you came close.

Congratulations Kimberly!

I will be sending you a large box of chocolate bars very shortly.

Thanks to all of you for playing.

Happy Wednesday!

The Mystery Grocery List

I was making my grocery list the other day.

Milk.

Juice.

Bread.

I asked the kids if they would add to it.

They happily added:

Chips.

Goldfish.

Ice Cream.

You know, the staples around here.

Then Cole brought me a list he had made.

He can't write yet so he drew me his list.

How adorable is that?




Can you guess what it is?

I know it is quite obvious, but in case there is any doubt, let me share.

Hmmmm.

What about tomorrow?

I am dying to see what you think they are.

There will be a prize for the one with the most correct answers.

Happy guessing!

Where In The World Is Wendi?

I am here.

I wish I could tell you I had been whisked away to some remote, tropical island.

That my friends did not happen.

You see...my family of three computers became a family of ONE computer.

MY. COMPUTER.

And while the computer dude is busy adding more RAM, I have had to learn to share.

Have I mentioned I am not good at the sharing?

I am not.

Especially when it involves the vehicle to all my news weather stock reports entertainment.

Namely blogging and twittering.

Today I have announced to all that the laptop is MINE!

And MINE alone.

We will see how long my selfishness lasts.

I've Still Got It...maybe

We entered the pizza establishment buzzing with loud laughter and silly giggles.

We had been seated in a secluded area of the restaurant for obvious reasons.

We found ourselves separated from the rest of the pizza population by a small partition.

The birthday girl and her friends made their way to the buffet and returned with loaded plates.

I followed.

I was just before ingesting a large mouthful of salad when a waitress from another section of the restaurant came over and sat down across from me.

"Is there a problem?", I asked.

No, she replied.

"One of my customers was wondering if you were married?"

Huh?

I can't remember if I spit the lettuce out or if I managed to choke it down.

I just sat there with my mouth gaping open.

"Are you joking?" was all that I could utter.

"No, my customer asked me to come over here and find out if you were married or not."

"Yes, I am married."

As quickly as I answered she was gone.

But wait.

I didn't ask her who was asking.

Not that it mattered of course.

But it did matter.

And I couldn't just stand up and peer over the partition.

I tried to recall the guests I saw upon out arrival.

Hmmmmmm.

There was an older gentleman walking with a cane.

The younger college guys in the corner.

And then there was that one woman with the asymmetrical haircut that.....nah.

I will never know.

I was too chicken to look over and scan the restaurant.

I wanted to bask in the moment that I still had it.

Then my Claire brought me back to reality.

"It was probably that "M" on your forehead."

"Thanks Claire, I will add Married to the list of things my wrinkle stands for!"

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday!

This blog carnival was created by MckMama.

You can head over to her blog to see what everyone else has not been doing this week.

I did not have every intention to post daily on my blog last week.

I did not fail miserably.

I do not miss my blog buddies.

And their comments.

I do not feel validated when they leave them.

Nope, not me.

When Claire asked me for a sleepover for her birthday, I did not say, "No!"

And I certainly did not say it two seconds after she asked.

I would need time to think about it.

Which of course would not take two seconds.

And when she asked me for the second tenth twentieth time I did not answer with a resounding, "No!"

She did not finally get the message.

I did not offer to take her and a few friends to dinner and a movie.

She did not take me up on the offer.

I did not spend my Friday night with giggling, talkative, oh so dramatic ten-year-old girls.

And it was not one of the easiest parties ever.

I did not get "hit on" while attending said party.

More details will not show up in a future post.

What about you?

What haven't you done this week?

I would love to know!

Join all the fessing up over at MckMama's place.

My Baby Girl is TEN!

Don't adjust your computer monitor.

Don't check your google reader.

Yes, it really is me.

Posting three days in a row.

I told you I would be back to my old blogging self for the summer.

Just try and get rid of me.

Actually, please don't.

I am kind of fond of you, my loyal readers.

And your fabulous comments.

Now where were we?

Oh yes...today's post.

Today is the birthday of my middle child.

My only daughter.

Claire.

Whom I love and adore more than words can say.

She is ten.

She thinks she is twenty-five.

I have assured her I am not old enough to have birthed a twenty-five year old.

Most days Claire is delightful.

A breath of fresh air.

Entertaining.

And other days....well....let's just say....she's not.

This past weekend was her dance recital.

She performed beautifully.

She is a natural on stage.

Sometimes what she comes up with off stage makes us laugh.

Friday I picked up the traditional arm bouquet of flowers for my dancer.

Trying to keep her from seeing them is impossible.

The flowers came with a traditional card to be filled out with loving sentiments.

I chose not to fill it out because she would obviously know who gave the flowers to her.

Obviously.

Because I had not filled out the card...Claire decided she would be a dear and do it for me.

This is so typical of Claire.

Writing her own youdidagreatjob card.

She keeps us laughing and on our toes.

Our lives would certainly be boring without her.

Happy Birthday my little Claire Bear!

A Memorable Mother's Day

Let's just pretend for the sake of pretending that this post was submitted on or about Mother's Day.

That is when I intended to post it.

But a little something called exams got in my way.

Anyhoo.

I had a wonderful Mother's Day.

Cole painted this lovely portrait of me.

You would know it was me anywhere....right?

I am sure he painted my hips that large due to the fact the blue dress obviously had a very large crinoline underneath.

Obviously.

And I rarely, if ever, wear red lipstick so I am not sure where that came from.

Hmmmm.

It has a slight "vampirish" look to it.

Maybe my Twilight obsession has gone too far.

I love it though.

And if that gift wasn't enough, my children always say the sweetest things to me.

The kind of things that would make any mother weep.

While rubbing my toned fluffy upper arms after lunch Cole announced that he loved my "fatness".

Awwww.

Moments later Claire asked why I had an "M" on my forehead?

I reached up thinking I had a piece of food or a sticker on my face.

I felt nothing.

I ran to a mirror.

I saw nothing unusual.

I turned around and asked where she saw the "M" she spoke of?

"Between your eyebrows where your wrinkles are...it looks like an M.

I thought you did it for Mother's Day."

Of course I did.

I spent hours pushing the furrows between my brows to look like an "M".

I am into holidays like that.

I even sported it yesterday for "M"emorial Day.

Happy very belated Mother's Day!

Losing A Little Excess Weight

It is over.

Exams.

Preschool.

Being the music teacher.

Being the creative movement teacher.

End of Grade testing.

Dance.

Dance Recital.

Deep cleansing breath.

Ahhhhhh.

I have so many things I have wanted to share.

So many posts that I have composed in my head.

I will be back tomorrow with lots of sharing.

Happy Memorial Day!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday where we can be brutally honest with each other and live to tell about it.

You can read more Not Me's! over at MckMama's.

Last weekend I did not have to take my final exams.

I was not stressed at all.

Not one little bit.

I laugh in the face of tests.

Everything that could go wrong, certainly didn't.

I never had any computer glitches.

Not me.

I did not have to take my Geography test three times.

Nope, definitely not three times.

And I was never found rocking back and forth in the fetal position crying over said test.

That would have been silly and immature.

Thank goodness that did not happen.

I do not have all three of my children playing ball on three different fields.

I am not trying to juggle three different baseball/softball schedules as well as a dance recital this week.

I am not a good juggler. (really....not. good.)

I do not need lessons.

Or quite possibly extra arms.

I am not secretly wishing for May to be over.

What about you?

What haven't you done this week?

Join the fun at MckMama's place.

Happy Not Me-ing!!

Sleepless in NC

Dear Sleep,

Oh how I have missed you. I think of you every second of every day often. I long for our time together. Yet, when it comes it is far too short. Four to five hours a night just isn't working for me. I want more of you. I need more of you. Is 12 10 8 hours a night really too much to ask? I think not. Could we get together for a passionate evening of snoring and REM? Say... tonight at 7:30?

Love,
Me

* I will bring some Tylenol PM to get me in the mood.

**Apparently some of you think I am having trouble sleeping. Let me assure you I have no problem in that department. It is the getting to bed at a not-so-decent hour every night that is the problem. It is quite possibly the reason for the dark, puffy circles that now live under my eyes too.

The Power of a Flower

Just when I thought I was at my breaking point.

Just when I thought I could not handle one. more. thing.

My neighbor shows up with an armful of these.

Peonies.

One of my favorite flowers.

And all is right in the world.

Not Me! Monday

It's baaackkkk!

Not Me! Monday is officially back in session.

Baby Stellan is finally home and MckMama is hosting her famous Not Me! Monday again.

Shhhh.

Don't tell her I was posting every Monday any way.

I find confessing all the things I did not do is therapeutic.

And refreshing.

I couldn't part with my weekly therapy.

Or my freshness.

Let's get started...shall we?

Chase was not humiliated that his mother wrote a post about his cracked elbow.

"But you promised it wouldn't go on the blog." he said.

" I have no idea what you are talking about", I responded, "Everything goes on the blog."

He did not enjoy reading all your sweet comments.

Nope, not Chase.

He would never admit to it any way.

I did not sweep, mop, and scrub my kitchen, laundry room and half bath on Saturday.

Cole did not decide to lose his lunch 10 minutes after I was through.

And of course none of it got on any freshly cleaned and disinfected surfaces.

Not. one.

I did not have to sweep, mop, and scrub my kitchen, laundry room, and half bath again.

Who has that kind of time or energy?

Nope, not me!

I am not a little overwhelmed this week.

My schedule does not include 2 softball games, 3 baseball practices and a t-ball game.

How would I pull that off?

My schedule does not also include Scouts.

And certainly not two nights of dance.

I do not have my final exams this weekend.

Who would assign exams on Mother's Day weekend?

I do not have a women's conference to attend and salad to make.

Oh, and I do not have my Mother's Day preschool performance this Friday.

I am not the music teacher.

Which of course means I would not be in charge of the program.

And I definitely would never volunteer to be on the food committee on the same day.

That would be suicide.

And the icing on the cake?

Or the straw that might break this camel's back?

I have not been asked to speak at church on Mother's Day.

I would be smart enough to decline.

Thankyouverymuch!

If I am not around much this week...know that I will most definitely not be doing any of the aforementioned things.

It is possible however that I will be found in a padded cell wearing a white jacket.

What about you my internets?

What haven't you done this week?

Join MckMama and the confessional fun!

You will thank me later.

Say No To Crack

Chase took a nasty fall on a basketball court last Friday.



It looked as if it was mostly external.



Scrapes and bruises.



Nothing a little Tylenol wouldn't fix.



Fast forward five days.



He still couldn't throw a baseball or do a push up.



The chiropractor said something about it feeling "spongey".



I don't like that word.



Especially when discussing my sons elbow.



We were worked into the Bone and Joint Office.



Which meant 3.5 hours of waiting.



And worrying.



And starving.



And whining.



But enough about me...Chase was fine.



When the doctor finally surfaced, he said Chase had a cracked elbow.



Or was it a fragmented elbow?



Anyhoo...He was fitted for a soft sling.



And then he said the toughest five words ever.



"No. sports. for. 3. weeks."



Chase almost fell off the table.



I told him it could be worse.



He could be in a hard cast for 8 weeks.



He understood.



Or so I thought.



We came home and I heard the familiar sound of a ball bouncing on the concrete.



I opened the door.



There stood Chase dribbling the ball with his left hand while his right was tied up in a sling.



He didn't think that counted as No. Sports.



I am no psychic, but I am guessing these next three weeks are going to be fun!


Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Not Me! Monday

It is Monday again which can only mean one thing.

Not Me! Monday hosted by MckMama.

The post where I 'fess up to what I haven't done this week.

Or last.

Let's get started....shall we?

I have not avoided posting on my blog for over a week.

I would never do that.

I have addictions to my computer that would not allow it.

I have not had all three children home for the past ten days.

T. E. N.

I do not have greater appreciation for those moms that home school.

I never attempted to teach a lesson and yet I was close to insanity by the end of the week.

I did not go to sleep with visions of school starting back this morning.

And I definitely was not smiling when it did.

Nope, not me.

My baby did not turn 5 last week.

That would not be possible.

He does not already look older and sound more mature.

I did not forget to photograph the event.

I do not ever leave my camera.

It is not usually an appendage of my body.

And I certainly have never been asked if I am with the newspaper.

So...forgetting the camera is out of the question.

I did not take my daughter shopping before Easter.

I did not discover that we wear the same size shoe.

I did not start doing back hand springs through the store when I thought of ALL the shoes we could "share".

I did not have one moment of guilt for the five pair that were purchased.

I have not lived for this moment.

I am not praying her feet stay the same size forever.

What about you?

What haven't you done this week?

You can sign up for your own confessional at MckMama's place.

* Please don't forget to pray for little Stellan. He will be having surgery tomorrow.

The Last Birthday I Plan to Celebrate

Today is my birthday.

It is the last birthday I will ever have in my thirties.

Which means it is the last time I plan to celebrate.

I intend to be 39 forever.

Next year when April 7th rolls around...I will still be 39.

Five years after that?

You guessed it...39.

So glad we cleared that up.

Last year in honor of my birthday I shared with you 38 Random Things about me.

Then I posted my 100th post and you had to endure 100 more things.

I had hoped to do something different, but I am not feeling the creativity these days.

I. am. sorry.

As if you needed to know any more...here are 39 random things about me:


1.I am a huge procrastinator.

2.Especially when it comes to packing or studying or exercising.

3.Oh, and taxes....especially taxes. Ugh!

4.I love to shop.

5. It matters not for what. Clothes, books, furniture, food, fixtures, toys, plants, shoes. I just love shopping.

6. There is one exception: swimwear

7. I. don't. enjoy. it.

8. I am considering going without swimwear this year.

9. No silly...not NEKKID! I just may have to plan my summer activities around something besides water.

10. I am not sure avoiding lakes, rivers, oceans, pools, and splash parks will go over well with my children.

11. They love the water.

12. They are part fish.

13. They do not have bathing suit issues.

14. My organizational skills are becoming non-existent.

15.In case you are wondering...yes, my spices are still alphabetized.

16.Other spaces in my home are not so together.

17. My dining room table may collapse if I put one more thing on it.

18. I have been suffering from the flu, a sinus infection, and a nasty cough for weeks.

19. All my mail, bills, the kids homework, my school work, and various sundry things have made their way to the table.

20. I close the door and pretend it is NOT there.

21. When I do go in the dining room I can feel my heart beating faster.

22. To avoid a massive heart attack- I just walk out. Refer to #1.

23. I am a college student again.

24. It is kicking my be-hind!

25. It is hard to believe two classes could add such stress.

26. Ask my family what a joy I am to live with during an exam. Never mind...don't.

27. I love to read.

28. I don't carve out enough time for reading.

29. Except for blogs....I somehow find the time for that.

30. My comments have become few and far between, but trust me, I am still reading.

31. I need to start a new book. Any suggestions for a great summer read?

32. I am getting older and there is still so much I want to do.

33. I have been to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

34. I have not been on a gondola ride in Italy.

35. I have snorkeled off the reefs in Mexico.

36. I have not bungee jumped or sky dived and I have no desire to do either.

38. I have parasailed.

39. I am done. It is over. Now where is the cake?

* Sorry...my aged mind forgot to click publish last night. This should have posted yesterday.

The Problem is NOT my weight...It IS my height!

Some of you may remember back to the incredibly romantic gift I received for Valentine's Day.

That's right: Wii Fit.

My husband the romantic.

And nothing says romance like fitness.

Or scales.

Which is pretty much what the Wii Fit board looks like.

I haven't been able to use my Wii Fit until yesterday.

I wanted to.

I was afraid to.

I just wanted to have it all to myself with out the kids interrupting.

Translation: I wanted to "weigh in" when no one was looking.

I tried to get started and quickly realized this thing was complicated and I would need help.

I. had. no. clue.

So I called to my four year old.

And he walked me through it.

Stop laughing.

"Step on Mom", he cried.

"It is going to weigh you and give you your BMI."

Smarty pants.

I thanked the heaven's that he could not read yet.

Calculating....

What?

Nope, not possible.

Wii Fit actually suggested I needed to add more calories to my diet.

Huh?

It also said I was slightly underweight.

Slightly.

Me?

Not. even. possible.

So I scrolled back through some of the data and found the problem.

My children had plugged in my height as 8' 2".

Close.

I am 5' 2".

So, only off by 3 feet.

Recalculating....

Okay.

Let's just say that I am no longer considered underweight.

And my Mii looks much fluffier.

I Fought the FLU and the FLU Won!

I am alive.

*cough* cough*

Barely.

*sneeze* sneeze*

I am not sure when I have been sicker.

Because I felt death was upon me...I did the unthinkable.

I went to the doctor.

It was confirmed I was sick.

It was also confirmed...I will live.

The nasty flu has taken over my body as well as a sinus infection.

I came home with 6 prescriptions.

And orders to stay in bed until I was well.

I am far from well, but staying in bed just doesn't cut it when you have three children.

I am sustaining life with Diet Coke.

I hope to be back among the living very soon!

Not Me! Monday

It is that time of the week again.

The time where I confess all those things I did NOT do.

Thank goodness, right?

Because some of these confessions could be rather embarrassing.

I did NOT become the mother of a teenager this weekend.

Nope, not me.

My firstborn is NOT thirteen.

That would not be possible.

I did not cry or feel old at any moment.

Not one.

We did not throw him a party with lots of surprises.

(more details in another post)

And one of those surprises most certainly did not involve a limo.

He did not have the time of his life.

He is still not too old to hug or kiss.

By his mother of course.

I am not still pilfering through his baby books and pictures wondering where the time went.

I do not want to freeze him at the age he is right now.

I do not adore him and thank God every day he is mine.

What about you?

What haven't you done this week?

Care to share?

Join up over at MckMama's place.

Things Could Always Be Worse

There are some things in life that should not be experienced.

The death of a loved one.

Oral Surgery.

Going to a doctors office with three children.

Really.

If you haven't experienced it...don't even try.

Get a sitter.

Save yourself from the inevitable torment that surely will come.

I tried it.

I failed.

Chase hurt his shoulder in a basketball game last week.

He has been in a lot of pain since.

We made an appointment with the orthopedic doctor.

We arrived knowing we were being "worked in".

After filling out a small book of paperwork, the receptionist smiled and said that the doctor was currently in surgery and he was approximately 3 1/2 hours behind schedule.

Then she asked if we would like to wait.

"Um, you are kidding...right?"

She grinned.

Nope, she was not kidding.

I grinned.

"Sure."

I was prepared.

I had brought a laptop, crayons, coloring books, magazines, snacks and homework.

What more could we need for the next 210 minutes?

We discovered all the electrical outlets.

We discovered there was no wireless Internet access.

We never found the remote control for the TV.

We managed to leave Cheese Nip crumbs on every surface of the waiting room.

Cole needed to go to the potty six times.

Cole cried because he couldn't get on the computer.

Clarie whined because she was bored.

Chase whimpered because his shoulder hurt.

After just 45 minutes they called us back.

They put us in a hot room.

With only home and travel magazines.

Boredom set in.

Cole climbed on everything.

Claire was thirsty and was in and out 35 times to get water.

Cole tried to take apart the models of bones sitting on the desk.

Finally the doctor arrived.

He spoke broken English.

He joked.

He examined and reexamined.

He looked at the x -rays.

After an hour and a half it was determined Chase had a partially dislocated shoulder.

Meaning a bad sprain.

It was nothing that a lot of ibuprofen wouldn't cure.

And time.

I made a follow up appointment.

I will be taking all three of my children again.

There are worse things I have discovered.

Like the possibility of waiting 3 1/2 hours in a doctors office.

Green Eggs and Toilets

I try to be a good mom.

Most days I fall short.

I have good intentions.

Most of the time I forget things.

Especially holidays that are less significant than Christmas.

Like St. Patrick's Day.

Today I remembered.

My kids woke up to pancakes of the green variety.



Their eggs were also a putrid shade.



They had green candy and jelly beans on the table.



And wouldn't you know it?

Some little leprechaun turned all our toilet water green.

My kids were so excited.

Cole told everyone at preschool.

And carpool.



Who knew this one little item could bring so much joy?

In case you haven't already...go add a few drops to your dinner.

Or your toilet water.

You. are. welcome.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!